Into-the-Dark

I've been 'tagged' by 'Sallyontour'
So I have to give seven facts, here's the copied blurb!!!

"Each person tagged gives 7 random facts about themselves. Those tagged need to write in their blogs the 7 facts, as well as the rules of the game. You need to tag seven others and list their names on your blog. You have to leave those you plan on tagging a note in their comments so they know that they have been tagged and to read your blog."

So.
1. I'm a DJ, although I'm not a professional anymore, I used to have residencies in the North West before moving away for a quieter life.
2. I'm deeply personal, I don't let many people in. (So don't expect any great revelations in this list).
3. I am a self-confessed tree-hugger.
4. I love watching films, but hate the cinema.
5. I am my own worst critic, which I think has been detrimental to my life.
6. I have moments of enlightenment that are breath-taking, but find the humdrum of normal life disipates them too quickly.
7. I'd rather have 5 great friends than be popular in a crowd.

Just as life is stuttering to an unwelcome halt, a bolt from the blue hits me right between the eyes and the surge of adrenaline sends me 50 feet into the air, riding the crest of my own exhaled breath. I surf along this tide of optimism and confidence. From up here I can see everything, from up here I can imagine anything, and up here I am safe from myself.

So what was I thinking? Why do I seek out all these imaginary barriers to place in front of my feet, forcing my life to be a costant stream of side-steps, hops, skips, jumps, and falls. I should be running headlong through this self-made incapacity, and coming out the other side in the fresh air of accomplishment.

I fool myself into thinking that it's good to be an also ran, to live with the herd, be indistinguishable from those around me. Ha ha ha, I stand out like the sorest of thumbs even when I'm doing the least of all. I'm kidding noone except occassionally myself. I'm loved and loathed, I'm admired and pitied, I'm sought after, and hid from, but I am never ever unnoticed.

So I'm managing to grasp mediocrity from the jaws of brilliance, and those barriers, those endless barriers of my own creation serve only to mask the truth for a little while, my own anti-depressant that I need more and more of each day just to stay alive. But from up here I see everything, from up here I see my life of deception, and from up here, I most importantly, don't care.

Ground zero, fallen angel, earthbound and broken, here is where I need to be. My battles will be won with my feet on the ground. I have to earn the right to fly, and the mind, body, and soul must be as one before they can depart this gravitational pull once and for always. And so, camped on the shores of the sea of uncertainty, my armies amass for the battle at sunrise, for sure it is a good day to live.

I'm swinging upside down on a trapeze, very very high up, the spotlights are on me, I can feel the anxiousness of the crowd as they collectively strain their necks upwards to see me. So I let go, I'm expected to fall, and I do, there is no saftey net, no second chance, but I chose to let go. The ground comes up fast and swallows me with a gulp and I am sent spinning and tumbling down the throat of the earth itself. I pass others falling, and like me, none of them look too concerned, rather, we fallers are enjoying the sensation of taking in the sites of the underground. It becomes apparant that I can control my fall, and use this new found knowledge to sometimes speed up, and sometimes slow down, smiling and waving at people as I pass them or they pass me. Then I notice a tunnel to one side, a sort of branch line, and I drawn towards it, and even though it seems that I am the only one making for this tunnel, I feel it is where I want to go, and with a great slurping sound I am suddenly sucked into the branch line tunnel, it's sides are narrow, and everything is black, and I feel myself decelerating rapidly. I am at a virtual stop now, and the walls of what was once a tunnel have enveloped me completely, I find it hard to breathe, I can't move, I can't see, or hear or taste anything, but I can feel the walls closing, closing. I am not scared, I know this is the end of something or everything, but it does not frighten me. The walls penetrate through me, they become me, or I become part of the walls, and I feel my body stretching in every way imaginable, what was closing in on me has done it's job, and now is stretching out again, only I am now part of this bigger, higher, greater mass. Strange, but I just had a thought that wasn't my own, but was my own, then another and another and another and more and more all the time, my thoughts are endless, and my ability to think is endless, and I am endless, and it seems that I know everything, no indeed, I don't know everything, I am everything and it is all beauty.

The winds of change blew through my mind and turned me into what I was not before. Out with the old and in with the new, out with the guilt and in with the in-crowd of enlightened souls. Not a second too soon, and long overdue, but good things come to those who are good. I will only re-visit the future in the future, whilst my past will only be all that has taught me to be me.

The winds of change blew through my heart and turned it into what it had not been before. Out with the cold, hard stone, and in with the warmth of a beautiful spring day. No longer to bleed slowly in the dark recesses of frustration, but to beat with passion and joy in the bright light of hope. I will love all and everything, and gratefully accept all the love I receive in return.