...and then sometimes, you just wake up in the morning and the day does not feel special at all. There's no particular reason, the sun may be shining, the postwoman has already called, and you didn't receive any unexpected bills, and the fridge is well stocked with potential breakfast items. But somehow, you just know, things are not right. So my particular way of dealing with such feelings is to rub my eyes, stretch my arms out, have a yawn, and then lay back down, pull the duvet over my head, and ride out the storm by doing nothing. Whatever is going to happen on this day, can happen without my involvement, I feel no particular need to be an eye witness to the disaster of my life. I have no macabre yearning to prove my intuition is working just fine as my car plunges off the cliff face. I would receive very little self-satisfaction from being struck by lightening at the greengrocers. Indeed, short of the ceiling to my bedroom caving in and crushing me, I feel the act of snuggling up warm back under the covers to be my safest option.
So with the speed and agility of a gazelle, my fingers dance across the keyboard of my phone. But this is not to call, no! For in this brave new world, I have no need to risk harm to my ears on this fateful day by putting an electronic device near to them, for this is the age of the text. 'Hello, I won't be in 2 work 2day as it's not a good day, I have done a risk assessment, and the danger is very high, my intuition suggests 2morrow will be ok, ta :0)'. That should do it, now just to be safe I'll switch this mobile phone off, unplug the 20th Century version from the wall, and settle back into slumber, maybe I'll even get back into that dream about the princess and the dragon who went to........zzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!
Hmmmm! Now I'm in the bathroom. Funny, I'm sure I just walked through the door to get here? One way to find out, try it again....wow! I can walk though doors, let's try the walls. Yep, walls too, this is cool, into the bathroom, into the bedroom, through into the next bedroom, and into the hallway, and back to the bathroom. Hmmm, it does get a bit boring quickly, maybe if I try an outer wall. Ah! No go on the outer wall, and it seems that I can't go downstairs either, so just the two bedrooms, the hallway and the bathroom then. To be honest, it really was no inconvenience opening the doors and walking between these rooms, it seems a little bit of an anti-climax to have the ability to walk through doors and walls but then be restricted to four rooms, I may as well go back to bed.
It was a stroke of genius dressing in this green dress with the green boots. I mean, whenever I'm being chased through the woods by the wicked worlocks of Winchester, the ability to blend in with the background is always useful. These worlocks, always try and keep the best spells for themselves, but they have no right to come to my woods and use my trees for their magical experiments. I know all these trees personally, and frankly, if they wanted to up roots and walk they would've mentioned it by now. Furthermore, if anyone is going to give the trees the ability to move it will bloody well be me. Shh, they are close.....don't breathe....don't even think about breathing....don't even think.
That Samantha is such a bitch, I can't believe that she has been going around telling everyone that I have a mental disorder, and have to be put in a hospital. It was just a small nevous breakdown, that's all it was, no really. I was a bit stressed at the time, my job, my family, my relationships, the whole works really, but I was OK, I was dealing with it, really I was, but just in my own way. Fair enough, the increasing frequency of the panic attacks was becoming a bit worrying, and the forgetfulness was, well, inconvenient more than anything. But I still say that if those scissors had not been conveniently placed on the table nearby, then it would never have happened. Besides which, her hair will grow back eventually, I can't see why I have to be sedated again.
The four o'clock train was my favourite because all the most interesting people got on at the various stops along the way to oblivion. There was the tall man who wore extremely long black pointed shoes, and a bowler hat. He made me laugh because he would always sit down then go through the hand movements neccessary for reading a broadsheet newspaper, but there was never any newspaper there. He would furrow his brow as he read increasingly interesting articles, and occassionally turn the imaginary pages, and he was oblivious to the world around him pointing and giggling. Then there was the two schoolgirls who looked very different but acted as if they were identical twins. They both had two platts in their hair, they both had the same turquoise and blue school bags, and they would both sit with their right leg crossed over the left, and lean forwards onto their hands, watching the world through furtive eyes looking out from heads that stayed still. I called them Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, but I don't think it was their real names. But my favourite carachter on the four o'clock train was the 'Diva'. She would always wait until everyone had got on, and then sweep on in a rustle of skirts as if she was entering the stage at the opera house. She would then stand in the centre of the carriage until she had everyones attention, then she would look away dismissive of one and all, but turn back just in time to keep our gazes before we looked away, then she would allow herself the briefest of smiles before she burst into song. Oh! how her song would take fill the carriage, lulling all of us into her web of words, her magic of melody, and her rituals of rhythm. I would sit there unable to move, transfixed by her spell.
But the worlocks can't find me here? I'm not in the enchanted wood, I'm on the four o'clock to oblivion, they can't have just got on. And where has the Diva gone? Where are Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb? Oh no, even the newspaper man has gone, this isn't a real train, it's all just some worlock magic to make me reveal myself. Maybe I can still run. No, I can't move, I'm trapped, and they know I've stolen their spell, and they look really angry, and they're coming towards me, and if I close my eyes, and...and...
...and then sometimes, you just wake up in the morning and the day does not feel special at all.